The Everyday Sexism Project exists to catalogue instances of sexism experienced by women on a day to day basis. They might be serious or minor, outrageously offensive or so niggling and normalised that you don’t even feel able to protest. Say as much or as little as you like, use your real name or a pseudonym – it’s up to you. By sharing your story you’re showing the world that sexism does exist, it is faced by women everyday and it is a valid problem to discuss.
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At a party I had drunk too much and went with my female friend to a quiet place to rest. A guy walked into the room, lifted my dress and penetrated me with his fingers. I was very drunk and tried to move away but he followed. My friend was able to push him away thankfully and stop it going further. I did not report this and at the time did not think it was rape, my idea of rape was a predatory stranger forcing sex rather than a friend of a friend not obtaining full consent. I was 15, and shockingly I still feel as though I would be blamed for putting myself in that situation even though that violation was completely uncalled for.
On another occasion I was plied with alcohol until I was almost passed out and then taken into a room. I was a virgin and this was extremely upsetting, I cried throughout. I was only 13 and the guy 18, I had no idea of the danger I was in because I was with friends. No one stopped it even though I was crying loudly. I was put on the back of his mates bicycle and ridden home with blood dripping down my legs when I was sober enough.
Another occasion when walking to school an old man (around 70) tried to call me into the bushes and told me he knew my brother. He told me to come back again at 6pm but I instead told my mum. He watched me walk to and from school sporadically for a few weeks but I never saw him again after that.
When I was about 20 I was walking along a popular walking path and a man was sitting in his car masturbating, within clear view of all the joggers/walkers. I was disgusted and took his number plate but never reported it regretfully.
Around the same age my drink was spiked and I lost all recollection of the evening despite only having 2 drinks. After going to the hospital the next day I was told nothing could be done, they didn't even have a brochure or a nurse that could speak to me about what I could do. At this age I was much more aware of my rights to my own body and wanted to report this behaviour. I attempted twice to report it to the police but both times I was put through to numerous departments and hung up on.
None of this behaviour prepared me for my husband, whom I married and had a child with at 23 & 24 respectfully. Once I was perceived as his possession he proceeded to emotionally abuse me by putting me down on a daily basis, sabotaged my friendships where he could, isolated me from my family in a small town, all the while physically abusing me. It was a very confusing and difficult thing for me to understand because I had married this man, had children with him, and had loved him.
I have become a much stronger woman after these experiences in life, particularly my marriage. Despite these instances, I don't feel that all men are predatory or sexist, but the men that aren't need to stand up and advocate for a woman's right to be respected and not treated as an object of mens desires or possession. This behaviour is much more endemic than we like to admit and my story is sadly not unusual. In this shortened snippet of my life I may have painted a picture of a rebellious troubled teen but I was a normal well adjusted girl experimenting with alcohol, just like my male friends - none of whom were ever exposed to the threat of rape because of having one too many drinks. If ever they were I would never have blamed them for putting themselves in that situation. This kind of abuse can happen to anyone and is never the victims fault - women also need to understand this.
After year 7 ended things seemed to die down a little bit until I was about 15 years old, and I went on my first blind date with a guy that a "friend" had hooked me up with. Throughout my teenage years I was never really that interested in guys, I always considered my education to be more important, but my friend was insistent. I went along and things seemed fine, then things started to get heavy and I really wasn't ready for it. I tried to over power him, but he was 19 at the time (which I didn't know), and he was significantly stronger than myself, and if it wasn't for a black labrador that came jumping through a hedge chasing after a ball, that guy would of raped me. It was absolutely terrifying, nothing can prepare you for how scary it is. I later found out that the only reason why this guy agreed to go on a blind date with me was because my "friend" had told him that 1) I had big boobs, and 2) about my so-called slag reputation, so he deemed me to be a "easy lay".
Again after this things died down again, and it wasn't until I was 17 that I had any kind of experience of sexism again. At this age I got my first job working at a waitress. About a year into this job, I was started to get harassed at work, mostly by the customers, slapping my bum, wolf-whistling, and making crude remarks. I was able to tell my boss at work, and he was able to get them barred.
Nowadays I don't get comments made at me, and if I do I speak out. It's not needed nor wanted, and it's not okay!!
I have never shouted at someone in public before but I completely snapped, my boyfriend tried to pull me back saying they might be dangerous but I was so angry! I walked over to them and said "Excuse me, how dare you say to that someone! Who the hell do you think you are to talk to a girl walking on her own at this time of night, no one should ever speak to anyone like that." All they said was alright luv calm down.
I made sure she was ok and walked her most of the way home.
Even though it happened a few months ago it's really stuck with me and I find myself thinking about those men and some of the other things they might have said or done. I'm unfortunately used to the daily acts of every day sexism but this for me was something I won't forget very easily.
He drove off and I thought that was the end of it. But no, he had parker further up behind a bush and was waiting for me. At this point he was scaring me, and I completely ignored him as he was trying to talk to me from his car. I have no idea what he said as I refused to take my earphones out. I shouldn't have to be terrified walking to work at 7 o'clock in the morning.
Whilst making tea: "there are a lot of women in this office, must make it really inefficient"
Waiting for kettle, making tea for my pregnant friend whilst there is birthday cake on the side: "its always the women going for the cake first"
From my boss who thinks its OK to constantly comment on my (hopeful) ability to have a baby one day: "Are you ready to get pregnant then? Man up John" (this is in the middle of a team meeting, in front of my whole team and boyfriend who happens to be a colleague)